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Thursday, August 28, 2008


Help! Leo clambered in through the kitchen window in the wee hours, with a live mouse. He appeared outside my bedroom window, with a wriggling mouse in his jaws, so I ignored him. I had no idea the kitchen window was open.

The evil, vile rodent is now running around my house. Last seen scuttling under my fridge. I think I'm on the verge of a major coronary. Or a nervous breakdown. I need to go for a pee, but I have to go through the kitchen to get to the bathroom. What the eff do I do? Pee in a flower vase?

Knickers to humane extermination. I'm off to town for some lethal mousetraps. Ugh. I feel really, really unclean. Serves me right for forgetting to close the window. It's the first time in years I've forgotten to close it at night, simply because I know what Leo's like for bringing live prey home. I feel sick. My home has a verminous little sh*t running around it. And a mouse! I'm afraid Alfie's going to find himself on his own for an hour or two. I MUST get me a mousetrap.

I don't WANT to kill the mouse. I really don't. Even though it's vile vermin, it's not actually its fault that it's vile vermin. But mice are dangerous. They're filthy, full of disease, and like to start house fires by chewing through cables. In my eyes, that makes them tiny, hairy little terrorists.

Do humane mousetraps work? Probably not. I've looked on the Wilkinson site, and they sell traps that allegedly kill instantly. If I stick one behind the fridge, my zoo can't get at it, but the mouse will smell the bait. I really don't want to commit mousicide. But one mouse soon becomes an army. Sorry, mouse. It's me or you, and I'm too big to fit in the trap.

Damn you, mouse. Why are you making me kill you? I have such a guilt trip on at the moment.


Liz said...

Oh no! Forget the guilt and get that trap. That's the trouble with cats.

Dragonstar said...

Oh poor Siani! Try not to worry or guilt-trip - one mouse fewer in the world is hardly an extinction-level event, and if our Rinli had caught that mouse it would already be dead! OK, that doesn't help at the moment, but you can do without extra company right now.

Siani said...

The mousetrap is in place, but no mouse in it yet. I'm hoping it ran out when my back door was open.

Dragonstar said...

If that mouse had any sense at all he'd have scarpered as soon as he could - he wouldn't have wanted to share space with two cats. At least you have the mousetrap now in case of any more visitations.