Yet more Wayne-isms

My cousin Wayne called me the other night. He had intended coming to stay with me for a few days, but announced he couldn't make it. When asked why, he told me he'd secured a new job, just days after being made redundant by his previous employer. He continued to explain.
'So I can't come down to Swansea after all, because I'm being induced tomorrow'.
'Congratulations', I replied. 'so will that be a Caesarian or natural birth?'
He didn't get it. What he was trying to tell me, was that he had a few induction days for his new job. He was therefore being inducted, not induced. It was a relief to realize my cousin was not about to become the first male ever to give birth.

I'll say one thing for Wayne - he has his own unique way of re-writing the English language. He phoned again sometime in the week, going:
'ooh, awch, yuck. Guess what I just did? I just stemped on a dead bee'.
'Pray tell me, dear cousin, exactly what does 'stemped' mean?'
'What do you mean? What do you think it means? I stood on the nasty little f*cker'.
'Ah, so that means you either stepped or stamped on it, and being unable to decide which, you've invented your own word'.
'I thought stemped was a word'.
'It's not in any dictionary I've read'.

Note to self: purchase a dictionary and gift wrap it ready for Wayne's next birthday.