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Thursday, February 14, 2008

Thursday Thirteen

I haven't done this meme for a few weeks, so I thought I'd better show my face again. Horror of all horrors - it's a Valentine's Day theme. Yeuch! Never mind. All is not lost. Here's my alternative Valentine's Day Thursday Thirteen.

Thirteen Ways to Let Everyone Know You Hate Valentine's Day

1…. Get 'Valentine's Day Sucks' tattooed across your forehead.

2.... Hire a plane to fly over your neighbourhood, trailing a banner that says '**Your Name** hates Valentine's Day'.

3.... Take out an ad in your local paper that says 'I hate Valentine's Day'. Heck, why not take out an ad in one of the nationals?

4.... Pay for a TV commercial, to be aired on February 14th, in which you star. Your only line will be: 'Hi, I'm ****** *******, and I hate Valentine's Day'.

5.... Organize a 'Valentine's Day Sucks' parade, and get all fellow haters to join you in a march to your government's headquarters on February 14th. Note: do not try this if you live in Iran, Burma or anywhere else ruled by an oppressive regime.

6.... If you have a dog, when you both go out for a walk on February 14th, make him or her wear a coat embroidered with 'Valentine's Day Sucks'. If your dog protests, saying they like Valentine's Day, take him or her to the nearest animal shelter and exchange them for a pet whose sentiments are more in line with your own. Maybe try a pitbull or a komodo dragon.

7.... Plant your flower borders with blooms that spell out 'Valentine's Day Sucks'.

8.... On Valentine's Day, hang a sign on your front door that says 'donations in lieu of flowers and cards, please'. Don't forget to stick a sign with an arrow next to your letter-box, that says: 'please post your donations (cash only) here'.

9.... Rig up a tannoy system to the roof of your car, and cruise around the neighborhood yelling through a loud hailer: 'I HATE Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day sucks'. Don't forget to call your local police station first, from an unlisted, untraceable cell phone, and tell them that a major crime is taking place far away from where you intend cruising. That way, they'll be too busy to come after you for disturbing the neighborhood.

10... Walk into your nearest supermarket or chocolate retailer, and smash every heart-shaped piece of confectionery you see with a claw hammer. This works best if you've followed the suggestion in #1. And don't forget to get that cell phone out as per #9, or you will BE that major crime.

11... Buy up all the Valentine's cards in your local shops and have a ceremonial burning of them in a public place, whilst dressed in some freaky, outlandish, witch-like get-up, embroidered with 'Valentine's Day Sucks'.

12... Scream 'get thee behind me, Satan' at anyone you see on February 14th, who is wearing clothing or jewellery with heart shapes on them. Best done whilst wearing a T-shirt with 'I forgot my pills today' written on the front, and 'Valentine's Day Sucks' on the back.

13... Set up a website called Valentine's Day Sucks. But be prepared for emails from semi-literates asking 'where? I no see the dirty pics'.

Anyway, that's my Thursday Thirteen for today. BTW, in case you haven't already guessed - I HATE Valentine's Day even more than I hate Christmas! Happy Thursday :).

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


suchsimplepleasures said...

i don't like valentines day, either. i think it is just another stupid hallmark holiday!! but, i buy little trinkets for my kids...i don't want my negativity to rub off on them!!

Anonymous said...

Oh I seeeee. You don't like Valentine's Day :) Neither do I as it happens.

Natalie said...

I take it you're the Scrooge of Valentine's Day? I'm not big on the holiday, but I don't hate it. Have a good non-celebrating day!

Miranda said...

Lol tell us how you really feel. I am not a big fan either. Its an overrated day.

but Happy Anti Valentines Day!!

Happy TT

The Mama Bear said...

Love it, very good may not want to visit this week for TT, as I did the mushy thing, but normally I have some fun themes.
Great TT

Sandy Carlson said...

I'll try No. 12 later and see what happens. Of course, I'll be at church...but they are Anglicans....! Happy almost February 15 Day!

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Bwahahahahaha, these are priceless. I love it. Thanks for the laughs. Bwahahahahahaha. Have a great day and I hope your Valentine's Day Sucks. Bwahahahahaha. :)

MondaythroughSunday said...

LOL! I do like Valentine's Day..but then again I like to celebrate any day..just give me a reason! Happy Valentine's Day!

Dragonstar said...

Valentine's Day, if it has to exist, should be personal. I hate tiny kiddies making Valentine cards in school!

Nicholas said...

I can't stand it either!