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Thursday, November 22, 2007

Thursday Thirteen # 8

Thirteen Reasons why I hate Christmas

Yes, (shock! horror!) I can't stand all that Jingle Bells nonsense. Bah! Humbug! I thought I'd get this list done now, as I'll be too rabid with rage, in a couple of weeks' time, to see my laptop screen.

1…. The stores stock up on Christmas merchandise at the start of September, and for the next three months or so, seem to re-arrange their Christmas displays at least once a week, which means the rest of the store gets re-arranged, and I can never find what I'm looking for without battling forests of fibre-optic Christmas trees.

2.... Christmas music in stores and shopping malls for months beforehand. It's either dreary Christmas carols sung (if you can call it singing) by suicidal-sounding choirs, or the played-to-death Merry Christmas Everybody by Slade, or I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday by Wizzard. Enough!

3.... Overcrowded stores filled with vile-tempered old bats, who insist on trying to run me over with their trolleys (or carts, if you're in the US).

4.... People who take impossible numbers of bags filled with Christmas shopping onto buses. Why does this annoy me? Because many of them use the seats as a bag store, and won't move them, forcing pregnant women, the disabled and the elderly to stand in the aisles, as the bus hurtles along.

5.... Family members who insist on buying me perfume and toiletries. I'm very fussy about what smellies I use, as I have a discerning nose and sensitive skin. I hate to smell like someone just doused me in insecticide, furniture polish, tom cat pee or toilet cleaner, yet relatives have given me gifts that stink of all of these. A couple of Christmases ago, I was given some Avon bath products, and as soon as I sat in the bath, unmentionable parts of my body felt like they'd been rubbed in habanero chili juice.

6.... My neighbourhood becomes a magnet for burglars in the run-up to Christmas. I guess most neighbourhoods do.

7.... Hideous, tacky Christmas decorations and ornaments looming at me in shops. Some of the baubles and tinsel can be pretty, but I hate the vile, all-singing, all-dancing Santas, penguins, reindeer and angels. AAAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!

8.... The incessant Christmas TV commercials. I feel sorry for parents at this time of the year, especially those who don't have much money. They get mithered to death by kids wanting expensive gifts, directly as a result of aggressive advertising.

9.... There's a huge upsurge in street crime in the run-up to Christmas, either muggings or drunken brawls. I understand that Black Friday in the US has something to do with pre-Christmas sales or something like that. In the UK, Black Friday is a term used by the emergency services to describe the last Friday before Christmas, when most Christmas parties and booze-ups occur. The city centre becomes like a war zone from late afternoon onwards, as police and paramedics take up their positions, ready to break up battles and attend to the casualties.

10... Diabolical TV shows. Why is there so much crap on TV at Christmas? I'm sick of The Sound of Music, ET, The Wizard of Oz and Only Fools And Horses. Yuck! Thank goodness for cable TV and channels like Discovery, which generally ignore Christmas.

11... Christmas shopping. I'm not a tightass - I just hate all the shoving and jostling. Plus I never know what to buy.

12... Christmas parties. I refuse to wear a pair of reindeer antlers or a Santa hat. I look silly enough naturally, without dressing like a five-year-old.

13... Christmas food. Yuck. Apart from chocolate and a nice bit of Christmas cake, I hate it all. Christmas pudding - what's that all about? It's vile. Mince pies? No thank you.

Anyway, these are my reasons for despising Christmas. I bet you all think I'm the reincarnation of Ebenezer Scrooge now!

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Anonymous said...

I think you are perfectly sane, Siani.
I hate Xmas with a passion you would not credit. Started when I was nine and woke up that morning with measles. Anyway, the day didn't end in tears as it usually did. I would need a page at Nexus to list my horrors.
It improved after we only celebrated Solstice with the children - but even now I won't lift a finger that day lest something happens.

Dragonheart said...

The entire commercialization of Christmas has gotten out of hand. So I understand why many of those things annoy you. Thank goodness for online shopping! I do like spending time with family at Christmas, and giving presents, and visiting the German Christmas markets. But I can do without the crowded shopping malls and the bad Christmas music!

jams o donnell said...

I agree wholheartedly Siani! Animatronic satans (I'll let that typo stand!) singing We Wish you a merry xmas, Jona Lewies's Stop the Cavalry and so on. THe day is usually an anti climax. Mercifully I've done my present shopping (the Not wife is getting a yard o led pen this year) and I've been buying extra non perishables so my weekly shops in the last couple of weeks can be done quickly on foot.

Daisy said...

We do all of our shopping on-line, too. With free shipping and no tax on out of state purchases, it is actually a time and money saver.

jenn said...

I love Christmas, but I also sgree with a lot of the things on your list.

Happy TT!

baby~amore' said...

Great T13.
I agree with a lot of the things you said but I love Christmas dinner - but not fruit cake or mince pies either .
Bring on the Grinch LOL.

Gellianne said...

Hi! I also hated Christmas when I had sore eyes Christmas of 2003 or 2004, I think!

I love Christmas but you are right, there are some things that are not good during that time like the Christmas rush and the traffic !

LadyBanana said...

Love your list there, I must say I agree with you on the vast majority.

I think I've done enough Christmases now, it all comes round too quickly it's lost it's excitement..

Nicholas said...

I am definitely applying to join your fan club! I agree with you on so many of those, especially non-stop Xmas music in public places. Does any adult actually enjoy hearing Jingle Bells or Rudolph more than once? I wasn’t even too keen on them when I was a child. Now, I am about to wrap and send you my Xmas gift to you. A charming little bottle of perfume: Eau de Domestos, I hope that’s ok.

Linda R. Moore said...

OK, OK, I'm in agreement with most of the above. But have you heard of Freecycle? You can give all your unwanted stinkies away to people who would enjoy them.

I wish they *would* play Slade over here, but they seem not to have heard of that group. We get insipid carols and choirs, and Salvation Army bell ringers.

I also like the food--but it's hard to get at a sane price over here.

I was involved in four TTs this week:

Sorry about the blimp-whale!