Web design woes

I was hoping to get a new online Gower project up and running this year. However, my web design talents are virtually non-existent, and I've forgotten most of what I once knew as regards HTML, etc. To make matters even worse, the whole web design world has moved on significantly, since I last hand-coded a page, about five years ago. I have no earthly clue what to do with DHTML, XHTML or any other SHITHTML. As for ASP and PHP, as far as I'm concerned, one is a snake and the other sounds like a controlled substance.

I have been driven half-insane just trying to design a basic template this evening. Everything I tried looked like a four year old designed it. Cascading style sheets have had me ripping chunks of my hair out and calling the cat a c**t. And my search for a free, ready-made template, has been equally unfruitful.

Who designs these free web templates? Every one I've seen so far has either been of a lurid, multi-hued, retina-frying design, or funereal, corporate grey. Well, apart from the ones featuring women with huge, naked breasts that look more like lethal ballistic weapons than body parts. Or the templates decorated with skulls, alien heads, sports cars and leopard print. All I want is a simple, fresh, clean interface, with a well designed navigation bar, and easily tweaked page elements.

Just can't get my head around all this CSS DHTML cruddy stuff. I'm going to give it one more bash, with a CSS template I just downloaded, but don't hold your breath. I doubt my new Gower project will be happening this side of 2007.