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Friday, August 04, 2006

No rest for the whacked-out

Oh how I long for a decent night's sleep. Here's a typical night for me:

23.00. Bed. At least half an hour before I drop off due to volume of neighbour's TV.

23.55. Awake. Drunken neighbours talking loud and guffawing below my open windows. Shut windows.

00.15. Too hot. Open windows again. Doze off shortly afterwards.

00.57. Muppet outside with car stereo blasting. Awake again.

01.11. Muppet drives off.

01.20-ish. Dropping off to sleep.

01.32. Cat throws up. Clean up cat puke.

01.47. Dropping off again.

02.20. Awake. Sirens, blue lights, police helicopter. Seriously f***ed off now.

02.45. Dropping off again.

03.12. Awake. Seagulls fighting and screaming on roof. Turn over, pull pillows over head.

03.45. Smack across the face from cat demanding food. Feed cat. Hope it's a Whiskas pouch I'm giving him, not sachet of kettle de-scaler. Back to bed.

04.11. Tomcats fighting outside. Dogs barking as a result. Could happily neuter toms with rusty bread knife. Back to bed.

04.35. Need pee. Back to bed.

05.15. Motorbike roars past. Pillows over head again.

06.30. Mobile phone alarm goes off for no reason other than I accidentally set yesterday's alarm as daily instead of one time. Feel like hurling it against bedroom wall.

06.40. Dozing.

07.15. Doorbell. Postman with parcel for neighbour who's not up yet. I tell postman to ram parcel up his nether orifice and swivel.

Don't think for one second I'm making this up. This really is a typical night for me, and has been since the warm weather began. And I wonder why my eyes have a larger collection of bags than the Louis Vuitton counter at Debenhams?

1 comment:

Jeremy said...

Know the feeling! I`ve had sleeping problems since I left school, a `couple` of years back! The hot weather doesn`t help. I had trouble with some bitch next door keeping me up all night with loud music; contacting Environmental Health seemed to help, and it`s been quiet for the last couple of years. Some foam earplugs from Boots are enough to keep me from being woken by delivery lorries, postman, etc. Trouble at my local pub as I walked home last night; police and riff-raff everywhere. And this is supposed to be middle-class suburbia. Dread to think what Townhill must be like! If I had the money, I`d emigrate!